From Christmas to Christmas the story evolves just as life around us evolves, we have to lean into life or it will lean back even harder. We all will either rust out or wear out – every one of us – I choose to wear out…
A Patient Story – From Christmas to Cancer Survival
Stay moving – momentum is your magic – and your magic begins deep within:
From Christmas to Christmas our story evolves just as life around us evolves, we have to lean into the opportunity of life or it will lean back even harder on us.
We all will either rust out or wear out – every one of us. I choose to wear out. Whilst we cannot control life itself, we can control and set our attitude to it.
The most effective way to do this is to do it, take the opportunity, create the action, and keep moving, as Amelia Earhart said: “I always think with my stick hard forward, that is you can never let up your flying speed, for if you do you’ll crash. Be deliberate of course but you always need to be moving forward.”
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Christmas 2016: Setting the Scene
On Christmas Eve, just 17 days after my Whipple surgery, my family came together to create what felt like the best Christmas ever. Why? Because we faced the harsh reality that it could be my last.
The scene on Christmas Eve was picture-perfect, a determined effort to push back against Cancer’s undefeated Gladiator -“Cholangio the Beast” that had claimed my younger brother Graeme just two years earlier. My mum couldn’t bear to lose another son, my wife Claire was determined to keep her husband, and my children Zach and Georgia were holding on to their Dad, no matter what.
Life is the ‘opportunity’; Living in the present provides us with this opportunity, the chance to understand, to see things as they are, to shape our perspective, frame it, and cultivate the right attitude to propel us forward. We get to add ourselves into life’s evolutionary mix, we get to control our input, and we get to participate. Cancer might restrict our actions and reduce our power, but we are not powerless we always have the freedom and choice to control think as we wish even from the fortress of our innermost sanctum – ‘The Will.’
We cannot control whether we get cancer, but we unquestionably can control how we choose to respond to it. Let’s also remember the strengths of managing our persistence and perseverance – the disciplines of ‘right actions’ and the discipline of our heart and soul – ‘The Will’
We can’t predict or control life’s twists and turns, but we can control our attitude and how we respond to them. So do not waste your precious energy worrying about the uncontrollable. Instead, channel all that energy into what you can control, no matter how small or insignificant. that control may seem in the moment.
My family had come together and leaned into this present opportunity, an opportunity to rise above ‘Cholangio the Beast’ and experience the best Christmas ever – three magical days of Christmas sharing, giving, and a good measure of ‘jocularity.’ So with the plan in place, this is how it unfolded;
Day 1: Christmas Eve – Cocktails, mocktails, music, and laughter were the theme and the plan. But Life had another theme – I was rushed to the hospital’s emergency room.
Day 2: Christmas – I returned home, and the lunchtime Christmas Dinner table was set and served. I rose from my lying-down position, still weak and exhausted, to join the family. I mustered a smile and attempted a joke, but again, life had a different plan, and I was rushed to the ER. Christmas and ER departments are challenging on their own, but Christmas takes it to another level with staff shortages only held together by best efforts.
Day 3: Boxing Day – I found myself weak, tired, and lacking confidence once again. Leftovers were plentiful. No matter how much I leaned into this battle with cancer, it seemed to push back even harder. Once again, I was being taken to the emergency room. I lay in a special room, with Claire at my side, feeling like I had ruined Christmas for the family despite their best efforts to rise above the challenges. This only amplified the fear and anxiety – the grip of cancer was choking my thoughts and clarity.
Why am I sharing this?
The theme of what I have shared is that I leaned into it, even when life seemed to push back even harder. I had unwittingly set my attitude on how I was going to fight this cancer beast. The die was cast, and I was determined to wear it down – there was no other magic pill or strategy, but it was a strategy nonetheless, a strategy of momentum that began deep within my willingness – a core and eternal fountain of momentum untouched and out of cancers reach – only I could command it – a freedom that can never be taken, only given up if I chose to.
The following is one of my earlier diary entries – but first a warning…
Context and Warning to the following message:
A great friend had told me to write everything down and record all my thoughts and experiences, to which I smirked – Kev I do not have the energy to write, but great advice all the same as I loved to write my thoughts. Kev insisted that I would forget if I didn’t write them out, but my thoughts were consumed more with survival than writing.
Although I couldn’t write or type, I could think, and in the many hours laying in the emergency rooms and ICU beds of Gold Coast Hospital, it came to me – a silly childish plan. I would use mental Post-it notes and pin them to my old school teacher’s blackboard – yes very weird I know, but with the many hours drifting in and out of consciousness not knowing which was which, this became a fixation of my mind or my dreams. The message below is one of those mental post-it notes that I managed to write in my diary in its original form. However it uses a word that violates public media platforms, but I need to keep it there because it is accurate and central to my feelings…continue at your own risk:
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