My Message to ‘Cholangio the Beast’

By Steve Holmes

It all happened in the briefest of moments.

“You busted through my front door in the dark of night, you wrestled me to the ground, repeatedly raping me to within seconds of my last breath, ‘Cholangio’ you left me for dead, cold and beaten, but I did not die, I still breath.

Cholangio you took so much from me, yet you left something behind.

As I struggled for my survival I found something deep within me that you could not see nor reach, my “Unconditional Willingness” was still intact and untainted, protected within my centre. You and your cancer army could not reach what you could not see.

Cholangio you pushed me to my edge but I did not go over. Cholangio you had skilfully culled me out of a crowed centre where I could not see,  but now on the edge I could see so much more than I had ever seen before, my mind calmed and I was no longer afraid.

Your intentions were clear and brutal, but unwittingly you had reactivated my core instincts, and freed my trapped inner vision that lay deep within,  I could see again, my “Looking Glass” had returned and could see beyond your grip.

Yes Cholangio I too had a strategy and accepted your unwanted grip, for as you rejoiced in your victory, you loosened your grip for just a moment, a moment I was ready for and I re-engaged to slip your grip and awaiting noose.

Cholangio I re-engaged at speed and without hesitation or condition I made that vital next step and the one after that. I continue to move swiftly forward with renewed awareness, an awareness from within, a strength you do not know. My ‘Unconditional Willingness’ and my ‘Looking Glass’  are in hand, no longer blinded or limited a convenient proof or a barrage of shadowy statistics. Yes I have learn’t that proof is also a child of evolution and their statistics are just stepping stones. Proof is conceived within the Looking Glass and born in the conscious mind. I am very wary the an idle convenient proofs, that serve only to prevent the pursuit of perfection.

Cholangio I am aware of your stealth, your shadow and your grip. I know you and you know me.

I know your path, you know mine, I will always see your path, so that our paths remain as parallel.

A question that lingers

The Immune System of the “Conscious” Mind

Is the something very powerful and easily overlooked?

We all have Imagination and also an ability to constantly reimagine, allowing our minds to reach and soar beyond the convenience of proof. We each have our own unique “Looking Glass” to see the world through, enabling us to travel to a place where proof, facts and rules are irrelevant. A place where you can never be judged dumb or stupid, a place where desire and vision are unshackled somehow supercharged unleashing an energy that does not wilt. A wonderland that conceives, stimulates and fertilises new possibilities and new realities.

For me, what did I have to lose?  I was withering fast, so on the contrary I had everything to gain. Being a little unrealistic often, fed my dreams and visions, it coursed momentum back into my veins, even though I was not physically moving, it gave me a strong sense of control and unshackled by core Willingness -untainted and without conditions to use, I could still reach for new realities.

So a question is left lingering in my mind – could it be that my “Conscious” mind,  also possesses its very own and unique immune system ?

I am glad that I have got this off my chest, and I am sure that many others will have a view on this.


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Steve Holmes Story

“My Walk with Cholangio the Beast”

I would describe myself as the classic modern day ‘Active Lifestyler’ which really means I am over 50 and clinging to my diminishing youth. I am an ‘Active lifestyler’ by bike and foot. I love to swim, cycle or run everyday and yes that includes the all important post coffee bull sessions. 

Diagnosed with a very aggressive Terminal Cancer: Cholangiocarcinoma, a Pancreatic/ Liver Combo connected by the Bile Ducts. No Cure, and an average survival rate of 6.8 months. After surviving through nearly 25 hours of very life threatening surgeries, I have been incredibly fortunate via Merck in California and Keytruda to make it back to solid ground. I have a second if not third chance to do something really special if not remarkable with this opportunity.

Being a little unrealistic often, feeds my dreams, defines my vision and direction where there was none.

Please say gidday

Cheers Steve
Gold Coast, Queensland, Australia.